• Permanent Head Damage

• Procrastinating Habitually, Desperately

• Protein Has Degraded 

• Please Hire, Desperate 

• Pounding Head on Deck 

• Pipetting Hand Disease

• Parents Have Doubts

• Projects Half Done

• Potential Heavy Drinker

• Pretty Heavily Depressed

• Piled Higher and Deeper

• Perpetually Half-Dead

• Panic Hits Daily

• Permanently Horrified by Data

• Published Hardly (Definitely)

• Probably Has Deflated Dreams

• Perplexed and Hopeful for Deliverance

• Postdoc Hunting Desperation

• Perpetually Hoping for Dissertation

• Proudly Holding Delusions

• Poor, Hungry, Depressed

• Proof? Hardly Done.

• Plagued by Horrible Deadlines

• Possibly Hates Decisions

• Professional Hurdle Dodger

• Promised Happiness, Deceived

• Perpetually Hating Deadlines

• Prolonged Human Despair

• Paper Hoarding Disorder

• Permanent House Dust

• Pathetically Hoping for Degree

• Professors Hounding Daily

• Pretending to Have Direction

• Planning Half-hearted Defenses

• Postponing Happiness Deliberately

• Preposterously Hard Dissertation

• Perennially Harassed by Data

• Perplexingly Half-Done

• Pleading for Help, Dumbfounded

• Promised Hope, Delivered Dread

• Paper Half-Drafted

• Progress? Haha, Doubtful

• Perpetually Hovering on Draft

• Printed Hardly, Deleted

• Peer-Review Horror Day

• Postponing Half Diligently

• Pleading, Hoping for Draft

• Procrastination Hits Deep